Today it felt hot from the start, and it just kept getting hotter through at least Full Locust. For the first time in quite some time, I was suffering and doing the "It hurts..." mantra which so totally messes up the practice. Then, for no reason I can think of, I just sort of forgot about how hot it was and everything picked up. Sometimes it's very hard for me to figure out what exactly is going on. One thing is for sure: no matter how still I stay between postures, chanting "this hurts" to myself is just going to create all sorts of internal fidgeting that's ultimately way worse than all the sweat wiping and clothes adjusting in the world.
My knee didn't feel quite as good as yesterday going into class. But surprise, it was still better during class, and much better afterwards. I actually dropped onto my elbows for a second in the second set of Fixed Firm. My knee didn't come up, but it definitely wanted to, so I came out right away. But it also didn't put any excess strain on the knee, and my butt was skimming the floor for the first time in a long time. Maybe that was the upside of the excess heat?
The standing series is sort of a blur now. Miranda gave me some good correction in Triangle. I was not stretching up enough with the upper arm, and I needed to twist back a bit more with it as well. Otherwise, I would have said the whole series was distinctly below average and even a bit discouraging.
Back in 9th grade, I played Football for one season. Every day before practice, I would trudge toward the locker room wondering whether I was going to quit that day. (I really hated football, by the way, and I'm still not exactly sure why I played.) And every day, I got dressed and went to get beaten up in practice, and I never missed a day. That's how I feel sometimes when I'm coming out of the standing series. I start telling myself: OK, I'm going to the floor and now I can just take it easy, and it won't be that big a deal. But then I don't do it: I actually overcompensate for the lazy thoughts usually, pulling hard in Wind Relieving, then really pushing it in the spine strengthening series. That happenned again today. I was basically ready to call it quits about halfway through Triangle, and then somehow I tried even harder in the floor series in an effort, I guess, to cleanse myself of the negative thoughts.
By camel, I was doing quite well again, and I had a really good end of class. Coming out, I felt really hot, but satisfied. And later on, I felt great.
Another strange thing that happened in this class is that somewhere during one of the Savasanas, I had the strong thought: spaghetti sauce. I realize this isn't quite the sort of tremendous emotional breakthrough or revelation that some people get doing Bikram, but it hit me with the same force, and I'll take what I can get. I haven't made a good sauce in a few years, but I followed the impulse and made one of the best sauces I've ever made.