It was a big class with a whole bunch of newbies. There were 50 people and I was smack dab in the middle. The heat was fine, but the humidity was way high, and at times it felt like there was no air in the room. But even with all that, class was still good.
Lenette called me out a few times for rushing. I wasn't even aware of it, and I think it was a reaction to the humidity. I let it get to me a bit, lost some focus, and started anticipating. I think almost every other teacher would have let it go (probably not Libby, and definitely not Sherie). Lenette expects better from me, and I like that.
Once again I had really good backbends, and a good back strengthening series, especially Locust. I'm feeling even a bit more in my middle back in Camel. This pose is funny. Once I could grab my heels, maybe 4-6 weeks into practice, it became one of my favorite poses. I never had any of the dizzying/overwhelming feelings that seem so common here. It stayed that way for a long time, and was one of my favorites.
Then, for no apparent reason, it changed. I was doing better in the pose, but it started to feel harder and harder. It was just a strain with all the pushing forward at the hips. Instead of liking it, it became one of my least favorite poses. And it was one that would typically wipe me out.
And now, again for no reason that I can see, its shifted back again. Pushing forward just isn't a struggle the last few classes, and I really can feel what they mean by lifting the chest. And all in all, I just think of it as being fun now when for the longest time it was anything but. (Awkward is another pose that goes through cycles for me. For the longest time I just liked it, and recently its been really tough -- tough to the point where i've been tempted to ease off/cheat.)
In the day 205 meditation Gates has started running through how the five afflictions affect us on the mat. The first affliction is spiritual ignorance. On the mat, this manifests itself mostly in identifying ourselves with our results. Thus, a good class makes our day, but we kick ourselves for having a bad class. Or we compete with the people around us. Or we just compete with ourselves.
These are all natural tendencies for me, and I'm gradually shedding them. And for the most part I agree that its best to shed them, if possible. But here's the catch. If I can't beat myself up because my head is still a foot off the floor in Standing Separate Leg Stretching, then doesn't it also follow that I shouldn't celebrate when I finally do get my head on the floor? I like my breakthroughs, and I love small compliments (and big ones). But should I like them so much?