Monday, February 2, 2009

25/33 I Was Sick

8:15 p.m. with Miranda

I guess sometimes you don't really know that you are sick until you get better.  There are two times in the past when I've had a similar experience.  I went to the doctor to get some vaccines before going to Europe, when I was nineteen.  He looked me over, asked me if I had had any recent pains in my joints.  Then he asked me if I had been around any pregnant women, because I had had German Measles for the second time.

The other time, which was more dramatic, was when I had my first root canal.  My left bottom molar broke before I went to the dentist.  I had heard terrible things about root canal work, but for me it was an unbelievable relief.  I had not realized how much pain I was in, until the dentist took it away.  It had made me irritable and angry for months, but I was not really aware of it as pain until it was gone.

Today's class was a minor revelation of the same sort.  For the first time in a week, I felt really good, and class just felt right.  Feeling again how great a good class can be, I also realized that there must have been something wrong with me the last week, and it culminated in last night's headache.  Now, thankfully, it appears to be over.

There were no breakthrough's tonight, but there was a feeling that breakthroughs might be possible, and an overall feeling of grace.  And I wasn't the only one.  Several times Miranda commented on how good the class was, and toward the end she said she thought it was the best class she ever taught.  Everyone was strong, moving together.  Noone sat out.  You could feel the stillness between poses.  There was some laughter.  It was just a great class.

One lesson from this is that for the last week I have not been following what Gate's talks about in today's meditation.  He says that his approach to pain, both mental and physical, has become simpler as he has become more honest.  Pain gives an opportunity to pay more attention to what we do, and to have some faith in the power to heal.  I was somewhat lacking in that faith.  I had certainly been paying attention, but I had also been allowing myself to become  a bit frustrated with what were, after all, only minor and temporary setbacks.  Mostly, I was afraid that the yoga was not really working.  On the contrary, there has been some really nasty stuff going around recently, and I may have just caught a glancing blow of some bug.  If anything, its more likely that the steady yoga practice has kept me from being more knocked out than I otherwise would have been. 

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